


Hux's Regrets

by ShinigamiKnox



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Genderfluid Character, Hux is trans, Hux's partner is a dick, Kylo is genderfluid, Multi, Not as a couple but as friends, Some major gender dysphoria, Trans Character, they go to prom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-08-07 17:47:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7723915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinigamiKnox/pseuds/ShinigamiKnox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story about trans!Hux and how genderfluid!Kylo helped him overcome his awful high school experience. From a family function that calls for Hux to wear a dress to prom, where he, himself, doesn't want to cause an upset, Kylo provides a light in a rather dark time for Hux.</p><p> </p><p>  <em>Based highly off my own awful high school experience.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So DaHanci mentioned a h/c about genderfluid Kylo and trans Hux going to prom. Their take was a little different than this, since this is highly based off of my own prom experience. And yes, my date _was_ that big of a dick. I wish I had broken up with him right after prom. And yes, I _still_ have some major regrets about not wearing a suit. I wish I had had a friend like Kylo to set me straight and actually be supportive in high school.
> 
> Basically, I just wanted to get this out of my system in the healthiest way I could: writing.
> 
> The dress Kylo wore to prom: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/b2/85/73/b285731d5776b1225757a7dcb02270b1.jpg
> 
> The shoes to go with it: http://quirkin.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/purple-heels-27.jpg

Hux really didn’t try to fit in with the females at school. He didn’t see the point. They looked at him weird and didn’t have the same interests. Then again, neither did a lot of the guys. So, Hux found himself in that awkward position of having a “guy” mind and a “girl” body, put in the simplest of terms.

The day he came out to his father, he had spent a full two years deciding on a name and deciding that this _was_ , indeed, how he truly felt. He wouldn’t be able to go back on his word once he came out to his father.

So, one late night while he was outside smoking a cigarette and looking at the stars, Hux decided he would tell him, he had to tell him. After all the things his father had said about the LGBTQ+ community, surely he’d understand if his own daughter turned out to be part of that community, specifically the ‘T’ part.

He didn’t. After all his talk about how he’d be supportive, how he’d understand, he turned on Hux. Even after Hux told him he’d been struggling with this for at least two years, his father still insisted it was just a phase, the one thing he _couldn’t stand_ people telling him. _’I don’t care how long and hard you thought about this. You’re wrong. You can’t decide what you feel about your own gender identity.’_ That was what people implied when they claimed it was _just a phase_.

His father and him didn’t talk for a good week after that night. Hux would go to school, deal with being misgendered by his own friends, misnamed, then come home to isolate himself in his room. He was a sophomore in high school at this point in time.

It wasn’t until the end of his sophomore year that he realized his father had gotten past the whole ‘phase’ argument. Even if it was just a phase, it was how Hux felt and he should take that into account. However, that didn’t mean he ever referred to Hux as his chosen name or proper pronouns. It was a small step forward, Hux felt. He had dreams about changing his name legally later in life, how his family would _have to_ call him by his chosen name.

However, in the spring of his junior year, he was informed he would need to wear a dress to his cousin’s wedding.

“We wouldn’t want to cause a scene, you understand,” his dad said with a sheepish smile.

“Of course not,” Hux said with an annoyed, forced smile. He wouldn’t make things hard on his father, not at a family event.

So, Hux allowed his cousin to take him dress shopping. He hated clothes shopping to begin with but looking for dresses made it significantly worse. It was ‘try this, try this, now try this one.’ All he wanted to do was pick the first dress that fit and leave.

After, it was shoe shopping for a nice pair of heels and a pair of flats and other little things. A matching purse, a pair of stockings, and a nice necklace, all of which made him cringe. His father refused to let him cut his hair until _after_ the wedding. He felt powerless. ‘Just get through this wedding and it’ll be fine,’ he promised himself.

And he did. He powered through it, wore the flowered dress with the matching ‘coral’ six-inch heels and matching purse. He looked absolutely lady-like. He loathed it. But he did it for his family and his family’s image.

“That will be the last time you need to wear a dress, I promise,” his father said. Both Hux and his father lied, but they had no idea about that at the time.

However, Hux rejoiced when he was able to cut the thick, red strands of hair down to his shoulders at least. A month later, he took shears to his hair, cutting it down to just over an inch. Oh, it was absolutely liberating!

He tried wearing looser clothes to school. Black slacks that didn’t show off his feminine curves and shirts layered over shirts to try to hide his breasts. He doubted his father would allow him to get a binder, so he made do with what he had. It was unfortunate that those around him saw his breasts and labeled him as female automatically. There truly wasn’t anything he could do about it, so he just powered through.

It wasn’t until senior year that Ben appeared. They mostly kept to themself but ended up in the open seat next to Hux in most of their classes. It wasn’t until he actually talked to Ben did he learn their name was Kylo Ren.

“It’s more gender neutral,” Kylo said.

“Gender neutral?” Hux said in surprise.

“Yes,” Kylo said. “I identify as genderfluid, meaning—“

“I know what that means,” Hux said, surprising them both. “I’m…Armitage,” Hux said, giving Kylo his chosen name rather than his given name. “I’m male.”

Kylo didn’t even look down at Hux’s body like everyone else had. They just gave Hux a smile and said, “It’s nice to meet you, Armitage.”

Hux wanted to jump for joy. Hearing the name on someone else’s tongue felt so _right_. Saying it himself felt awkward and forced, but still so much better than _’Amy.’_ He hated that name with a passion.

“Which pronouns should I use?” Hux asked politely.

“Honestly, it depends on the day. Safe bet is they/them, but you can just ask from day to day, if you really want.”

“What is it today?”

“He and him.”

“Does your family know?”

“Yeah, they’re pretty supportive. They don’t understand, exactly, but they let me do me. What about yours?”

“Not exactly. My dad does, but nothing’s changed at home. It’s still Am—erm, misgendering and misnaming.”

Kylo put his hand over Hux’s for just a second. “That’s pretty shitty. I’m sorry.”

Hux pulled his hand away with a shrug. “It is what it is.”

Kylo quickly learned that this public school didn’t take too kindly to gender noncomformists. They were always called by male pronouns due to their sex and given name. It didn’t matter how many times they tried to say otherwise on more feminine days, only Armitage would respect their name and gender. 

Armitage would usually ask each morning in homeroom what kind of day it was. He found Kylo’s clothing choices tended to reflect what kind of day it was for them, but he always asked just to be sure.

When Armitage started dating one of his cisgender male friends, Kylo encouraged him despite seeing how unhappy Hux was. There was nothing else he could do. Armitage had the idea that no one else would even come close to wanting him; he was the freak.

Kylo’s temper was revealed. He’d stomp off every time Alex, Hux’s partner, referred to Armitage as Amy or used female pronouns. It didn’t seem to happen often; Hux’s friends tended to just say ‘you’ instead of her or she.

Hux and Kylo were talking by Kylo’s locker when Armitage informed them he’d be wearing a prom dress. Kylo didn’t even think Alex even wanted to go to prom, but apparently most of their friends were going. Armitage wanted to go, everyone was constantly saying something about it being a ‘rite of passage’ or some other bullshit. Armitage had gotten caught up in the feel of senior year; he actually wanted to take part in some of the events held by his peers who looked at him with disgust, who used the wrong name, who didn’t even _try_ to correct themselves, who made his self-esteem so low not even Armitage wanted to correct them anymore.

Kylo slammed their locker closed, almost getting their finger by accident. “I thought you wanted to wear a nice tux, if you were going at all.” Truthfully, Kylo was going to ask Hux to go as friends if Alex turned out to be an ass about things.

“Of course I do. I’d love to be the first to defy the gender binary here. But I don’t even know if the school would allow it. I know Alex doesn’t want to be involved in that.”

Kylo bit their tongue before they said something about Alex not even coming into the equation.

“I know my father would _say_ he’s okay with it, but he wouldn’t be. For all his support, his family image means so much more.”

“That’s why I thought we’d do it together, so you’re not alone. I wanted to go in a prom dress.”

“Are you sure?”

“Well, I mean, worse comes to worst, I’ll wear my dad’s old suit. I’ve already an idea on what dress I want and it’s not too expensive.”

“I’m sure you’ll look great in either.”

“I’m sure you’ll look great in a prom _dress_ ,” Kylo said bitterly. “Doesn’t that bother you?” They already knew his answer. If the female pronouns, the use of his birth name, and the careless attitude of Alex didn’t bother him, why would this?

“Yeah, it does a little bit. But what else am I going to do? Make everyone else uncomfortable to make myself comfortable? It’s just for a night,” Hux said with a shrug. “Besides, just because I’m in a dress doesn’t mean I’m any less of a man.”

Kylo so badly wanted to say to hell with everyone else. Instead, with a slam to someone else’s locker, they choked back their anger. It wasn’t their place, they supposed.

As the date grew closer, Hux recruited Kylo to help him find a decent dress and shoes, another pair of heels he’d regret wearing the next day. Kylo could see him looking longingly across the store to the many suits on display. With a resigned sigh, they pulled Hux’s attention back to the dresses in front of them.

In the end, Hux picked a simple black dress that flowed down to just above the floor with him in a simple pair of black heels. He still had the pair of black flats from the wedding that he could bring with him just in case. Kylo hated how awkward he looked in the dress. Yes, it fit nicely on his frame, but he held himself so unsurely and uncomfortably. He hated it, it wasn’t hard to tell.

Eventually the day rolled closer until it was finally upon them. Hux had insisted on going over to Kylo’s to dress. It would be a lot easier, he figured. His parents insisted on pictures of him and Alex later on, a promise Hux wished he hadn’t made.

Kylo was working on their make-up when Hux knocked on the bedroom door. He’d seen Kylo with a light, tasteful layer of make-up some days in school, but looking on them in that moment, Kylo had gone all out this time. The black eyeliner was winged nicely on each eye, his black eyelashes looked fuller and made his brown eyes look even darker. The dark purple eyeshadow would match his dress nicely. Hux wasn’t sure about the rest of the products Kylo used. They looked like they had a nice, subtle blush. Their entire face just looked absolutely stunning.

“Did you decide how you were doing your hair?” Hux asked as he sat on Kylo’s bed. Their dark, wavy hair was tied back with a tie while they worked on their face.

“Kind of. I want to try something, but I might need your help.”

“I can’t do hair. Or make-up. Or anything like that, really.”

“I know. It’s just something simple, I promise.” Kylo smiled into the mirror with a quick look to Hux’s reflection behind him.

It took hours for the two of them to finish. Hux had asked Kylo to help him with make-up, something Kylo was more than happy to do for him. They kept it simple, a nice cover-up, blush, and a neutral eyeshadow. The only differences Hux saw were the thin line of eyeliner on the top of his eyelid, just above his thicker eyelashes, and the light red lipstick that made his lips only a couple shades darker. He looked too feminine, but that was what he was going for that night. Politely, he thanked Kylo.

Kylo’s idea for his hair turned out to be a lot of curling with a hot curling iron. Their long, dark locks twisted beautifully around the thin curling iron and popped away with a nice, loose curled appearance. Kylo arranged these curls to frame their face beautifully and in the most feminine way possible. Some strands were pinned back in certain ways to keep them out of their face.

They put a pair of fancy-looking, purple, feathery earrings in and applied a stunning purple shade of lipstick on their full lips before excusing themselves to dress. Hux merely used Kylo’s bedroom to pull on his dress and heels quickly. He settled back down on Kylo’s bed to wait.

He was fiddling with a thin, black bracelet made of leather he had around his wrist and missed the sound of the bathroom door opening. A quiet cough brought his gaze up to Kylo and he was rendered speechless.

While their body type didn’t allow for a dress that didn’t have straps, it looked like Kylo had adjusted and added purple, silk straps that draped over his broad shoulders in the most delicate way. The bust of the dress was black but had silver sparkles all over it. The form of it gave Kylo a more feminine waist and hips. At their waist, the dress faded into what looked to be a purple silk fabric matching the thick straps, but was covered with a transparent-like black fabric. The dress fell down to their ankles; they were rather tall. Still, Kylo wouldn’t miss a chance to wear their favorite heels, an extravagant pair of six-inch heels that were mostly black but had a thin, purple heel and toe. They were open-toed with a deep purple bowtie over the top of the foot and looked absolutely dangerous to Hux. Kylo slipped them on under their dress like it was nothing.

With a lovely spin, Kylo turned to Hux to give him the whole image. Hux felt lightheaded. They were absolutely stunning and a good foot taller than Hux, who had settled on a low heel this time around.

“How do I look?” Kylo asked sheepishly.

“Drop dead gorgeous,” Hux said after he found his voice.

“Good!” Kylo spun again before taking Hux’s hand and dragging him downstairs. Hux got through Kylo’s parents saying how adorable they looked with smiles plastered on their faces. He kind of wished he hadn’t given in so easily to everyone else’s wishes. He felt uncomfortable and the shoes were already starting to hurt his feet.

Still, he let Kylo drag him out of the house without saying a word.

 

Alex wasn’t a very affectionate person to begin with, but every time Hux asked if they would dance, Alex rejected him. “Not now,” he’d say. Hux didn’t want to go alone, so he just sat there and talked to his other friends around the table. Kylo was walking around like they owned the place, confident and sure. There were people who said he looked beautiful while others gaped in disgust. They were enjoying themselves though. Hux thought they looked absolutely radiant.

Hux was also impressed at how easily Kylo danced in those heels. They lasted an hour before Hux saw those over-the-top shoes rested against the wall as they danced on their stocking-covered feet instead.

Picture after picture, Hux felt he was dying little by little inside. Just survive the night, he told himself. On top of feeling super dysphoric, he couldn’t even get anything out of Alex, not that it surprised Hux.

When Alex finally did agree to dance, it was half of a slower song and he barely let Hux touch him. Kylo had made themselves at home with someone else from their class, having fun and laughing while they feigned slow dancing.

Hux gave up trying with Alex after he left the floor before the song was even done, leaving Hux embarrassingly by himself. He wouldn’t lower himself to begging, no matter how much his dysphoria was hurting.

Hux was stuck there with Alex for as long as Alex wanted. He was Hux’s ride home. Kylo left by themselves with a quick, apologetic hug to Hux. They had tried to get Hux dancing with them all night but Hux was too discouraged to really want to.

Determined to have at least one thing for himself that night, he made to kiss Alex when they were alone in his car. Even that was ruined, Alex having pushed Hux away, refused to look as Hux grabbed his things and exited without so much as a glance back.

In the next week, Hux had broken up with the guy and had spent the entire week in a weird place. Kylo usually stayed quiet beside him, offering a quiet sense of comfort. Hux found himself hanging on every time Kylo used male pronouns or ‘Armitage’ to refer to him. He regretted giving in so easily. He should have fought harder, should have not let Alex affect him so much. Kylo, thankfully, never said ‘I told you so,’ of that much, Hux was grateful.


	2. Chapter 2

A week later, Hux received the photos taken by Alex’s parents and the parents of the kids they went with. There had been a group of eleven of them, five guys, four girls, Hux, and Kylo. Kylo was grinning in many of the pictures. They looked so happy in their make-up and their dress and even those lethal heels. They looked _radiant_. Kylo even grinned when he took the pictures out of Hux’s hand. The people around them looked upset at Kylo stealing the limelight, but Kylo absolutely basked in the attention.

The group had put Kylo in the middle, between the guys and girls (mainly because they didn’t know where Kylo should go, Hux hated hearing them talk about Kylo like that), and had put Hux on the far end of the girls, furthest away from the guys and making him feel even more separated.

“Your, uh, hair looks really nice,” Kylo said as he looked through the pictures. “The hair clip—“

“Don’t,” Hux said. He was feeling quite sick to his stomach.

In the picture they had taken on the stairs with the males in behind the females, Alex was the only one not reaching out for his partner, Hux, in any way. Kylo, once again, was in the middle in the back, between two males and their partners.

Even in random other pictures taken without posing, Alex and Hux weren’t really that close like everyone else had been. It didn’t come as a surprise to Hux, honestly. That was just the breaking point to him. He didn’t feel loved, why should he stay with someone like that?

“Here, you can have them. I’ll just take the one of Alex and I with the school logo later for my parents,” Hux said as he slid the whole packet of developed pictures over. “If I take them, I’ll just burn each and every one.”

“Sure.” Kylo shoved them in their backpack. “Are you okay?”

Hux shrugged. “I’m fine.” Kylo laid their head on Armitage’s shoulder despite being in the middle of class.

“If you want, you can try on my dad’s suit. See how handsome you would have looked.”

“No. But thank you,” Hux said politely.

“I don’t know how to help,” Kylo admitted quietly. “I wish I could go back—“

“I would have made the same choice, Kylo,” Hux said, his voice a little louder than necessary. “I just…need some time,” Hux grabbed his bag and asked to be excused.

 

That had been a good three years ago now. Hux and Kylo were both accepted into a nearby private university and had been attending classes for almost two years now. Their group of friends contained more people that _didn’t_ conform to the gender binary than cisgender males or females. They had, maybe, a handful of friends that identified as straight. 

Kylo had always found a way to feel at home in their own skin, something Hux was still struggling with. But with this group of friends, he found himself more at home than ever before. Those around him called him Armitage and used the correct pronouns, even though his family still didn’t really support him.

Even his professors called him Armitage if he asked them on the first day. No one asked why, no one judged. It was the first and only place he felt he could be himself and he was so happy Kylo was right there with him, being their beautiful self.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wouldja look at that super short chapter to conclude this fic. I expected to write more, but honestly, this entire thing was hella draining and I couldn't, really.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to try to finish the second chapter in the next week or so to give a happier ending because things did pick up, even if I still do regret wearing that Godforsaken dress.


End file.
